Before being in this place, I have already gone through the mill of an unending disappointment well structured by my own devices, when all of my friends are doing something worthy in my life, I am still laying the foundations of my shaky future…am I destined to be like this or is it of personal choices that is why I always end up nowhere, I don’t know? May be it would take me another some Unsuccessful years to figure that out and perhaps by then it would be too late….
I always wonder that I have always to think about my parents who on a relative scale may be well settled now but in coming 5 years would have to face the ignominy of being bearers to an unsuccessful son both materialistically and physically and than an unending trauma they would have to go through that they have once lived during their starting years and I would be so helpless by then that all I would be able to do is just wonder on that where I went wrong.
The weirdest thing is that unlike millions of unsuccessful like me at least I know that I have responsibilities which many unsuccessful people I have met do not share but than that what sucks! Because if I know everything and still I do not try to change it up who would be the biggest fool than me…that’s why I feel “Being Ignorant is bliss”.
So why today I am writing this all, may be all I need is to vent out my feelings and have a introspection with my soul which like a semi-functional lighthouse only shows its faint light in the most troubled times.
Well after I became wholly unsuccessful in whatever field I tried my hand, I had than decided to function on these guidelines-
1- I will study along with Job
2- I will live alone
3- I know, what I am so No girls
4- I wont spend money on trifle stuff
5- I will act mature and professionally
Now when I look back and try to review myself on these, I find today that
1- I am not studying
2- I am lonely and living alone
3- ?
4- Well, right now I am doing it
5- I tried hard in vain
Its nothing like, that the world has ended today for me, I believe in myself and I know I can spring back from situations worse than this but than when it happens, I loose the edge that is required and that is what happening to me here…..I don’t know if I should formulate new plans, I don’t think they are required but writing here it all have installed a confidence in me that I can, Yes I can and why should not I, I have seen people getting out from worse than what I am in, it all requires me to wake up and when will I and how will that is always the question which every time I believe that I will solve but never able to do…..that’s why I am Unsuccessfully Yours’.
P.S – I messaged her “…tht story is still unfinished nd its turning out 2 be a bad day Mam…nd I wonder! (nehw sry 2 disturb u at dis odd hour)” - and I am still waiting for her response, I don’t know if she asleep or deliberately did not message me back and than why should she?…..but will she understand what I need, because I am myself confused about it but I have decided to play it either safe or give it a mild shot, depends on how she react on today’s morning Ronaldhino kick on that Chips packet!
I have found some reasons that as why should I never think about her in any “role-play”
1- She is 105 days younger to me (July 29’ 1982 and me April 14’ 1982)
2- She is beautiful and I am wasted
3- She is exactly 2 steps above me in the organizational hierarchy and to reach where if I am damn good would take not less than 02 years
4- She must have her reasons…lol
Pity on being Unsuccessful….God this is limit. ….I need a break!
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