Sunday, April 16, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
Yin and Yang'
I am 22, and I have no hesitation in speaking this aloud. I do not find any reason to hide, that I am 22, I am good-looking, supposedly intelligent and I want to be successful.
I don’t know what to say or how to start, believe me I am not confused. I am crystal clear in my thoughts, it’s just, sometimes I don’t know how to react. You can say, that I am confusing but that’s not so, I am not any ordinary girl. I just don’t want to hurt people. My boy friend feels I am cute and I think this time he is right.
Anyhow this is not about my boyfriend, he quite understands and the best part is that he gives me space and though he is not that good looking but he is patient and he is receptive and…, Ok enough of him, neither I will go on and on!
This is about an another guy, who was my colleague. When I first met him, he was cold, I too didn’t care, after all I just have to work with him, seven hours in office that’s all. He acted differently; I was amused, that however different he tried to act, he was always ended behaving like all other guys. I think this happen with all the guys, they try to show they are different, why don’t they understand it does not matter to us, all we want is a normal guy who talks sense
Days passed, I came to know him better, by now I was aware that –
a- He was chirpy
b- He is decent and guarded
c- He is talkative and humorous
Soon we became friends, it was natural as unlike others, he always had a story or two to narrate, mostly funny. I like girls talk, as they say and what’s the fun if you do not talk about others and than isn’t it that we should always learn from others mistake. Talking to this guy was always a relief, be whatever he always managed to bring a smile on my face.
I believe this is what friends are all about making each other laugh, helping in your tough times and so on.
I didn’t told him much about my boy friend, I mean when we are just colleagues, all we should be talking about our professional life, why should I discuss my past and future?
It all started when I didn’t go to office, as I was unwell. He called me up, I felt good, I was bored and than what else you can ask for rather than a good hearty laughter. I thanked him. Late at night a message, invaded my sleep, it was from him. I was irritated, I just deleted it and slept, I don’t know if I should have read it.
For 03 days he called me religiously, now it was more of a burden. I still tried not to make it apparent. Two times even I didn’t attend his call. I mean what else I could have done, I don’t want to hurt his feelings but he should understand.
I reached office on Friday, he was there, I was expecting him to come and talk but he maintained distanced, I wondered why? I thought he was hurt, I tried to make it up, I offered him lunch. He was unhappy, why? What I have done, isn’t he expecting too much? Soon it was ok; we were talking like old times, funny anecdotes about office and so on.
Why always guys behave like boys, I mean we girls never ask for anything. Does every time we talk to a guy, there has to be something. I think it’s more about being comfortable, don’t guys have their own male friends. Do they expect the same from them? I don’t know, but yes over the years I have developed this instinct, I know when to demarcate. I guess, I understood it when I was 14, at first it was repulsive but later I enjoyed it. Now it has been more of a burden.
Anyhow my instinct warned me about this, I started maintaining distance, I don’t know what he sensed but he also got into a shell. I thought I was being unrealistic, so once again, I called upon him. Now see, how much I care about him, I don’t want him to feel bad after all we were having a good time.
A month back, he proposed me, I was aghast, I don’t know what made him do so, at least not my behavior. I feel all this time I was straight, never gave any ideas. I refused; I told him I am happy with my boyfriend. He didn’t say much than.
He left the job abruptly, even didn’t care to bid farewell. I didn’t told my boyfriend anything, I don’t want him to feel unsecure. Last night when I opened my diary, a smile crossed my lips, this was the 27th name in my list, I am still behind my friend she is on 49, and like always I never did anything, did I?
I don’t know what to say or how to start, believe me I am not confused. I am crystal clear in my thoughts, it’s just, sometimes I don’t know how to react. You can say, that I am confusing but that’s not so, I am not any ordinary girl. I just don’t want to hurt people. My boy friend feels I am cute and I think this time he is right.
Anyhow this is not about my boyfriend, he quite understands and the best part is that he gives me space and though he is not that good looking but he is patient and he is receptive and…, Ok enough of him, neither I will go on and on!
This is about an another guy, who was my colleague. When I first met him, he was cold, I too didn’t care, after all I just have to work with him, seven hours in office that’s all. He acted differently; I was amused, that however different he tried to act, he was always ended behaving like all other guys. I think this happen with all the guys, they try to show they are different, why don’t they understand it does not matter to us, all we want is a normal guy who talks sense
Days passed, I came to know him better, by now I was aware that –
a- He was chirpy
b- He is decent and guarded
c- He is talkative and humorous
Soon we became friends, it was natural as unlike others, he always had a story or two to narrate, mostly funny. I like girls talk, as they say and what’s the fun if you do not talk about others and than isn’t it that we should always learn from others mistake. Talking to this guy was always a relief, be whatever he always managed to bring a smile on my face.
I believe this is what friends are all about making each other laugh, helping in your tough times and so on.
I didn’t told him much about my boy friend, I mean when we are just colleagues, all we should be talking about our professional life, why should I discuss my past and future?
It all started when I didn’t go to office, as I was unwell. He called me up, I felt good, I was bored and than what else you can ask for rather than a good hearty laughter. I thanked him. Late at night a message, invaded my sleep, it was from him. I was irritated, I just deleted it and slept, I don’t know if I should have read it.
For 03 days he called me religiously, now it was more of a burden. I still tried not to make it apparent. Two times even I didn’t attend his call. I mean what else I could have done, I don’t want to hurt his feelings but he should understand.
I reached office on Friday, he was there, I was expecting him to come and talk but he maintained distanced, I wondered why? I thought he was hurt, I tried to make it up, I offered him lunch. He was unhappy, why? What I have done, isn’t he expecting too much? Soon it was ok; we were talking like old times, funny anecdotes about office and so on.
Why always guys behave like boys, I mean we girls never ask for anything. Does every time we talk to a guy, there has to be something. I think it’s more about being comfortable, don’t guys have their own male friends. Do they expect the same from them? I don’t know, but yes over the years I have developed this instinct, I know when to demarcate. I guess, I understood it when I was 14, at first it was repulsive but later I enjoyed it. Now it has been more of a burden.
Anyhow my instinct warned me about this, I started maintaining distance, I don’t know what he sensed but he also got into a shell. I thought I was being unrealistic, so once again, I called upon him. Now see, how much I care about him, I don’t want him to feel bad after all we were having a good time.
A month back, he proposed me, I was aghast, I don’t know what made him do so, at least not my behavior. I feel all this time I was straight, never gave any ideas. I refused; I told him I am happy with my boyfriend. He didn’t say much than.
He left the job abruptly, even didn’t care to bid farewell. I didn’t told my boyfriend anything, I don’t want him to feel unsecure. Last night when I opened my diary, a smile crossed my lips, this was the 27th name in my list, I am still behind my friend she is on 49, and like always I never did anything, did I?
The other side---
I am 23 and quite a normal person, though sometimes I get a bit proactive. I don’t think there is anything wrong in it, after all you have to show yourself, neither who cares about you.
I don’t know what to say or how to start, believe me I am not confused. I am crystal clear in my thoughts, it’s just, sometimes, I don’t know how to react. I believe that either an issue should be in Black or White and if it has to be in Grey, than it should be according to me.
This is about a girl, who was my colleague. When I first met her, I didn’t showed any enthusiasm, why should I. Ok, she is pretty, she talks intelligently but than what, there are so many. I don’t know why girls always want us to be decent and all that. I am not like other guys, who will roam behind you, I know what I am and in simple language – “ If you want to come, most welcome neither ….”
Days passed, I came to know her better, by now I was aware that –
a- She was understanding
b- She is of course good looking
c- And she has a style
Soon we became friends, I always tried that she should enjoy my company. I put in extra effort to be decent and humorous, though I loathed it. It was good talking to her, and her eyes they say it all. I don’t go and talk to all girls, I mean I am not trying to be a playboy and neither I want to be a fool. I thought she also enjoyed my company and isn’t that what is required for two people to come close. It was good to spent time with her.
I mean you talk to so many people in a day, but with some you talk what you want to talk and this girl, made me feel like that.
Even with friends you don’t talk something and with a girlfriend you can talk about your silly aspirations, desires your shortcomings and so on.
It all started when she didn’t came to office, as she was unwell. I called her up, she was surprised and happy. I felt good, at least I was of some help, and she likes my company. I messaged her at night, it was that she should take care of herself, she didn’t care to reply.
I had started missing her, so I called her up. I sensed she thought I was acting too close. On top of that, twice she didn’t picked the phone, I was irritated. I mean either you call people close to you or you don’t call.
She came to the office on Friday. I still remember it. I restrained myself, as I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. If she likes to be with me, she should come and talk.
As I said for me either you are on this side or that and isn’t it the right way? Don’t we talk to only those with whom we are comfortable or share something, for the rest exchanging pleasantries is enough.
I don’t know why but she came and offered me lunch. I f I am not comfortable with you I wont come and say “please let me take you for lunch”. Anyhow I don’t want her to feel bad, so I agreed and soon it was like normal though I distanced myself.
She also responded the same way and I was getting over it but that day once again she disturbed my normal life. How come you a guy not to think, if you flirt. Isn’t there a difference between acting normal and flirtatious? I don’t show gratitude just for the sake of it.
A month back, I proposed her. She refused, I was confused. A girl who used to spend most of her time with me, all of a sudden just shunned me. I mean don’t you think spending 8 hours in office is less. I didn’t say much than.
I left the job soon, even didn’t care to bid farewell. Why should I? How will it make a difference? Last night when I opened my diary, a smile crossed my lips, this was the 27th attempt but this time I flawed my rule of “ Something’s are better left Unsaid” and that’s why the hangover is still there, it pains.
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