Insane or Inane'

For how many times it has so happened, that I have no ideas and this is the worst phase, but than suddenly I see something and I decide to voice out, today, like all other times, it so happened. I was having my dinner, nothing special about it until the guy switched on to ‘Indian Idol’, this particular episode was staged in Lucknow. I have a special affinity for Lucknow and its people, this is because I have spent three glorious years of my life there.

After living in a city, from where you have done your college it is bound that you will know more about the city than the subjects you were taught and so has been the case with me. I will not say that I am quite familiar with every nook and corner of the city, but yes I have a fair view of the city and the people, not digressing from the main topic, I saw how the crowd in Lucknow swayed for those three good men, who sang songs, which are already well sung by others. I have nothing against them or the channel but I was anguished how westernized the people of my city has gone, I don’t know whether that mass which I saw on the show truly represent Lucknow, I hate to believe or admit that. Girls were swaying their arms and screaming out their lungs as if riding a wave of orgasm, boys waving frantically like if this is the only night, even some aunties and uncles were seen in these, if I may call obscene posture, joining this bandwagon of insanity, as if breaking their monotonous life cycle.

I don’t know, whether they all were just aping what they see in television or it was something coming from inside, I know my Lucknowallas real well, they brag a lot, they may be boisterous, they may spit pan and talk of politics all the time but they are not what it was shown on television, this picture repulsed me. I am used to all of that but not this. I don’t want Lucknow to become Mumbai, Pune or Bangalore just like, in spite of so called bureaucracy in Delhi, I love it.
The question that made me sits up and write is, why all of our cities are loosing their identities, if this is globalization I don’t want it.
I want Lucknow to remain Lucknow, where at a tea stall I can still hear the mixture of various eastern accent, people calling me Bhaiyya and everything so disarranged yet calm and serene. Lucknow where maxi cabs with yellow, green and blue stripes run, Lucknow where there is a bar shop next to KD Babu Singh stadium, Lucknow where Hazratganj was the epitome of urbanization, Lucknow where Tunde kebabs are still famous, Lucknow where from Aliganj to Kapurthala I walked, innumerable times just for tea and a net cafe, Lucknow where my youth rest in peace.

I am having a bad time at the Zoo, they are trying to teach me that which I don’t want to be taught about. The other inmates of zoo are performing real good, partly because of their background and mostly because they are putting in their best, even I am trying to put up a fight but than I already know the result so, I have pasted a silent smile on my lips, a smile which is sarcastic, a smile that doesn’t allow anyone to breach my privacy. There is a lot which can be said about my days at zoo, but I am restraining myself, why I don’t know, the tag of Unsuccessfulness’ is hard to be removed, especially when your soul has already submitted to the fact but than I am game, coz I am enjoying this.


Now since I have vented my anger, again I have lost my thoughts, I don’t know for how long this slumber will continue, am I Insane or just Inane or is there a difference between the two, who knows….

“Girte hain shah-sawar hi, Maidan-e-zang mein; Wo tifl kya girega, Jo ghutnon ke bal chale”

The Zoo....

I don’t know how to dish out this particular piece, more because I am not able to format it. Things have considerably changed yet it is mundane. All these years lack of excitement has so become a part of my life, that if anything changes I look at it with skepticism and thus more or less it turns out or I unknowingly make it dreary.

Anyhow I have been admitted to the Zoo, where besides me we have 23 more inmates, the only thing we share is the same “Specie”, so no alien war is projected in near future and since as of now the struggle for survival is unannounced, so it’s a phony bonhomie feeling among all residents.

I have unsuccessfully tried not to be a sore thumb till now, yet there is a sense of cynicism creeping in, now I have no answer to, Why it so?
The ring masters are singing some absurd tunes which I am unable to comprehend but than my experience of surviving in inhospitable conditions is coming handy, believe me physical death must not be so painful as a slow mental death is!

The choice of coming in this Zoo, was a forced personal choice, forced because of circumstances, personal because I made those circumstances, sometimes I feel that more or less its divine intervention and than try not to think about it. How unknowingly we can be chess pieces in the game of Gods (if any), it gives me some excitement to think that I am a pawn or rook of some God/Goddess chess player, who would be placing his hopes on me, making sure I make the right moves or rather he/she makes, so taking the burden off my shoulders.

The other inhabitants are much better than me, some with better claws, shining furs or a better genetic background and me, perhaps the last caged animal, which people forget to see or deliberately miss as they are already tired. Who live anonymously and perhaps die so, again the physical disintegration would be much welcomed than painful existence!

Now since I am the Zoo and I have to perform, so learning the antics is must, I don’t know if I will be successful and this time unsuccessfulness would mean that I would be thrown to the natural world, where existence is under constant threat. Now since I have nothing to show, the only way to catch attention is either be meek, which unfortunately I am not or to growl for no reason, now all we have to see whether it comes out as lion’s growl or a choked bark! Will keep posting about my adventures at this cultured Zoo…


P.S.- After effect of reading the “Life of Pi”, an awesome book.

Spastic Thoughts'

These days like always are monotonous and filled with unexpected frustration, sometimes it makes me feel that the umbilical cord that distinguishes between non-existence and realism is yet to be separated for me.
Anyhow, the recent week just walked in the same old fashion and except some small exceptions and there is nothing to pride on. Newspapers have suddenly started boring me and there is not much choice of entertainment available, when you are at a place where all civil service aspirants reside. Also Z is in Jammu, so my nocturnal outings to Nizzamudduin have stopped and I am forced to enjoy solitude.

Since I have nothing to write in particular, I perhaps will express upon the favorite topics among all blogs, ranging from Bush to Jessica.

Well first of all, I am quite enraged over the so called “Left”, I do not have any personal grievances with Yechury&Karat co. but than I am amazed with the type of principles they are patronizing. I wonder if ideologies are based on person or people are based on ideologies, all of a sudden Left has taken up the task to criticize everything American and involve in a pseudo-secularism i.e. everything that is associated with Hinduism becomes jingoism.
They scream our their lungs for Iran and for the South American countries, but what these countries have done for us, has Iran backed India in any major world forum except a small exception here and there or what the South American countries have done for us and when this a unipolar world, than why should we sing the deeds of countries who have done us no good rather than to align our interest with the superpower without compromising our sovereignty.

Left’ opposes RSS and allies, though I too do not agree to their outlook but than shouldn’t Left if an ideology, should also raise voice against the fanatic Muslims, who are asking head of Danish editor. I do not understand when the people of India die at the hands of their own police in clashes in Lucknow, Hyderabad, Bombay for something that happened seven seas far. Left kept mum when M.F. Hussain painted Saraswati nude and criticized the vandalization by Bajrang Dal but they were upbeat about the cartoons, which had no direct relations to our country!

Bush, I don’t care what he do until any of his decision affect my country, I am for Iraqis but they were already in a mess, I am with Cubans, Venezuela and so but aren’t they smart enough to sell their oil and keep things at bay. Bush may be opposed by his own country men but he is at helm, they voted him back why should I call him a barbarian, he didn’t killed my own people, my countrymen, my army is not fighting war against terror.

Jessica died and than she died……..she was serving liquor and than someone shot him, some one who was under dual effect of liquor and power, and than he was acquitted, they took out march against it, she died serving liquor, did they also took out march against the 11 year old girl who was raped and killed or about the adivasis, but than they don’t die serving liquor, perhaps that is what is required for a march on your death or for case to be opened again.

In my view India TV should be banned, they are trying to make money by cashing on our sentiments, come on…..Do Mahatma Gandhi live in Rajghat, or if dogs were there where his ashes lay, it became impure? Please Mahatma Gandhi more than a person is an ideology which do not gets diminished by such small things!!!

At last, sometime back I vowed I will not speak on ‘T’……..met her at the new office, she was more captivating…..like as always, she smiled, I frozed, we shook hands, formally and than she moved, leaving me behind once again Unsuccessful’