.....Fallen Angel!

A small note when the crowd was mad partying and I was sitting at a fucking computer nearby, trying to analyze whether I should celebrate my unsuccessfullness...when my Angel came and submerged in the crowd, leaving me dazed and than the Men and Machine amalgamated and this came out

They all are riveted in a fever unexplained
some now even dont know how to pronounce the word "sane",
I don't belong to that crowd, I know
am I lost or found or is it just "No show",
My Angel has also fallen prey
something demised, I don't know what to say?
Perhaps I should remain quite and calm
cause its neither silent nor a storm....

Perhaps I am overeacting.....Am I?
P.S - She dances good!

......Lost and Found!

Finally today N and Me met….this tryst was a regaling experience for my soul. All the apprehensions I had, swayed away as embraced each other and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of finally meeting some one whom I longed for.
We talked and just talked (most of which, I did), as we revisited our past, got amused about our present and wondered about the future (more of mine, less of him).He listened to me very patiently and I vented out like a volcano….all the emotions that were so deeply embedded finally found a way and after that I felt so relaxed as if I was to die after this, I would have no regrets.

I don’t know, may be our friendship of 05 years was the base or he had grown up but than he listened to me and that was all, I was looking for…he gave me no crap talk, nothing, just patiently listened and than he gave me a mantra, though he said it very naturally I know but it sounded like a mantra to me “When you cant do what you like to, why to ruin what you are doing, at least enjoy it!”
And when we finally parted…..He to his successful world and Me to the by lanes of my unsuccessfulness, I had one thing, which is still frozen on my face, A smile of satisfaction, that will make me go through the ordeal for some more time.....till the rays in the morning would wake me up to remind that how unsuccessfull they are today, to raise the dead up...

On that good note, T and Me had some small talk yesterday and once again I would not like to read between them, will just word them out on the paper........

Scene -1
T – I have high expectations from you. (She said that as a Trainer)
D - *I kept quite*

Scene -2

T – Bhai, do it correctly
D- Now who is Bhai here….*as I took my headset off*
T – *smiles and than exclamation* what’s happening!

Scene- 3

D – Will you let me know about the shift (I said that as a trainee)
T – Of course I will
D – But you don’t have my no.*makes face, as if telling her, whenever I message you, you never reply back*
T – Doesn’t it end with 13152 *smiles*

I finally messaged her on when she forgot to call me about my shift “U…….Me…..Trnspt…..Shift? Am I on leave today “Mam”?” and her curted reply was “No, ur offc rprtng is 8 pm today”
I don’t know whether I am acting as a school boy, trying to make nothing out of it or may be she is handling it too well…or the worst is that the she thinks I am crazy’…..whatever…. “When you cant do what you like to, why to ruin what you are doing, at least enjoy it!”
On that note for N, Me, Z and all friends….

I got my first real six-string
bought it at the five-and-dime
played it till my fingers bled
it was the summer of '69

me and some guys from school
had a band and we tried real hard
jimmy quit and Jody got married
I should known we'd never get far

oh when I look back now
that summer seemed to last forever
and if i had the choice
ya - i'd always wanna be there
those were the best days of my life

ain't no use in complainin'
when you got a job to do
spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
and that's when i met you

standin' on your mama's porch
you told me that you'd wait forever
oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
those were the best days of my life
back in the summer of '69

man we were killin' time
we were young and restless
we needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no

and now the times are changin'
look at everything that's come and gone
sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

standin' on your mama's porch
you told me it would last forever
oh the way you held my hand
i knew that it was now or never
those were the best days of my life
back in the summer of '69
- Bryan Adams

Quenchless Thirst'

Sometimes it happens, that you want to talk to some one, who could understand you and dispel your fears, relate to your hopes and praise you when you are down, comfort you with words and do everything that could be done to make you feel proud of yourself and once again prepares you to take life head on but when you don’t have some one then….

You look at your mobile, which shows a memory of 73 and accordingly that means that there are 73 people in this world to whom you can talk but are they really people or just numbers whom you call ! Because right now I cannot find any of these numbers useful…for me all these 73 are just numbers and I know that if I call any one of them no one would be able to understand me, they all would take different positions but none of them would have the perfect answer for me and may be some of them would just laugh at it….does that make me unsuccessful even in making friends?
So rather should I have foes, because if I call and tell them of my insecurities at least they would understand it and will make me feel more insecure but at least they would understand me….

So N is back, my first thought when I heard that he is going to arrive was to dodge him and say “I am not in Delhi anymore” but than I realized that running away will not be of any help and for how long I would be able to do so, finally we are going to meet tomorrow, that is if he has time and I know he would take it out.
May be its 2005 and N is very much there, as successful as one can be and me still living in 2003 from where we both started, one now an Army officer and another still searching for what he wants to be, truly “Unsuccessfully yours”.

And now of my trifle one sided romantic allusion….well, there is nothing much left to talk about it , I don’t know if there was ever anything…nor did I expected anything out….I always knew it was going to end like this…but till it ends… “I’m lovin it”.
Just that T takes me like all others, she knows everything but as one of my friends said “She is too used to such type of overtures” anyhow for her remarks that did hurt me…… “Et tu T”……

Leaves are falling, and something's calling me here
The state of depression that I'm walking in
Got the impression that I won't stay here long
I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do

The sky is darkening
I can feel it in the air
My heart is sinking
I know winter's on its way
I know I am like this
But still I don't know what to do
I know I am like this
Oh , show me what to do

I know there's a way to get this another day
When will I know if there's a way for me?
I want to lie in the sand and have the sun shine on me
Is that way too much to ask?
- by Six Pence None d Richer

Desert Rain'

Nothing new as usual, except I have started reading a book by Dan Bernstein which dissects Dan Brown and his theories, after going through some pages a revelation occurred to me that has been long obscured by the unknown charisma of Christianity.
I felt that what the West is now trying to find out or is discussing upon, we in East have done that centuries ago. If we talk about Hinduism, I can say that we have given our goddesses designated place though in some cases we have just stranded them next to their male deity and their existence revolves around them, however all goddesses have their own individuality e.g. if we take Sita who prefers to go down in earth rather than going again with Rama or Shakti who burns herself making Shiva heretic.

Though I myself do not believe on mythology and would rather like to believe history as what found during archaeological dig-ups and with explanations but than it fills with a unknown proud that well at least is somewhere we lead the West and that too by centuries. So what if we do not have today 8 lane highways or electricity in all our villages, the faith is unblemished in our billion plus family and India is really shining!

My Aim here is not to hurt any religion or say that we are better, all I am just pondering upon the findings of the Da Vinci Code and further discussion upon it. Though I personally feel that the best way to reach God ( if there is any)is to help fellow human beings without any prejudice and if rated on that scale I would vote for Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Edison, Newton and on some grounds even Pope John Paul II as the messiahs of the new age world.

Now let’s talk about mortals like me, who are cached in the monotonous vagaries of life, so my sweetheart got a promotion….now I don’t know how to react to that…be happy for her( which I am, because I know she deserve it) or to rue over the fact that distances have increased by miles…….

I don’t know but as time slips by, the charm is fading away though every time I see her it increases by leaps and bounds and I just want to tell her that “How Much I just wanna sit with her and talk and know about her Aspirations, her Dreams, her Successes and of her fears and none the less of my unsuccessfulness….”

The last thing I hope that I am not getting too much humdrum in all what I want to say but if I am getting predictable than what? But than isn’t the Sun predictable, he rises every day just to go down….and so is he too unsuccessful……


And this is one of my Imaginations for her….

When the stars lit up the sky
Night act as a spy,
When there is just darkness between Me and U
Meaning of distances changes to something new,

When the heart struggles to beat
Or may be it’s the head spinning feat,
I miss u like dreams of a child
Making no sense, innocent and wild,

I wish I could tear those strings
Which keep us bounded to our rings,
Is it only me who build castles in air
Swear, I hold you responsible for this flair,

I am deprived of a saintly joy
Do u believe in it or take it as a toy,
Don’t panic, I am as cool as sea
Just drown in me to be free,

Possession is the art I master
Join me if you wanna walk faster,

Forget it, it’s all vague
Earth only open when hit by spade
Broke the crust that hurts your heart
For me you are my Desert Rain sweetheart.......

Monday's Aurora

Hi, Monday was not not exactly stressful nor easy, at the end of it, I emerged out in true senses as Unsuccessfully Yours’….It all started with first call that I took and whereas I was more concentrated on my rate of speech, I finally figured out that if your process knowledge is good there are a lot of things that you can work out.
So, I handled a range of queries which ranged from Katrina victims to customers fancying to increase their credit limit…if I start writing about this only, I would be more or less talking in jargons, so its better I just conclude it with “that my average call handling time was the most, however I was the only one to make a sale”
Altogether Monday was just about work and work……that gives me a creepy feeling that the demise of this scripture is coming near…Yes, No ..maybe…

About T since we both were so involved in our worlds though being interrelated that we did not get any time for anything, except at the end of day when I called her to confirm something and this is how it goes…

D- Mam, what about this (and my question)
T – (she answered it)
D – Thank Mam, it was tough today…
T – I can understand, Ok now don’t bore me, got important work to do
D – Ahhan, so now you would say this to me..
T – Ok…(sounds smiling to me at least)
D – Ok Mam, take care
T – You too

I don’t know, may be in coming three weeks this will also die its death and than I would have nothing to jot on but whatever… “Don’t every one of us born to die”….does that make everyone of us born to be unsuccessful…..

And at last…this what I feel about T & Me…

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough

I'm in serious s--t, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free

All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough
This is not enough

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me?
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?

-By T.A.T.U"

Lost Sundays...

I do not remember, from when Sundays have lost their importance for me, I believe there was a time when I looked forward for Sundays to come, perhaps that was around a decade ago (writing a decade ago, makes me feel how old I am).
Yes, perhaps that was around a decade ago, when Sundays meant Rangoli in early morning, lot of serials till 11 am and than a lazy lunch at 4pm along with Sunday movie and finally the dreaded night when you pack your school bag for next day! Definitely all that glamour of Sundays has been lost somewhere, somehow…now Sunday just mean an another day when I do not have to go to office (till now) and reading newspaper which has load of supplements. Can I please buy back those Sundays...

Last night I went to TGIF, Gurgaon and it was not worth it, though my main idea was to gulp some rum as I was already drenched by those incessant rains and last thing I would have liked was to catch pneumonia as from Monday onwards I am on the floor. However I gulped two large shots and since I had not slept from Friday morning, I was already dozing off before the alcohol can spur its magic…somehow i managed to reach my home back and slept like a log, when i woke up and saw the newspaper i realized..today is sunday..so?

We were three people, Me, Z and his friend, while they were talking about college; I was just trying to figure out the football league match b/w ManU and some other club….all this time, I felt how distances change relationship, though people are not different they remain the same but you always cannot talk about history….as human we tend to look forward….however what about those whom we leave at different corners of our life…..are those people, memories, thoughts are lost in that time or just remain as fossils…

Now about T, every time I think about her, adjoining thoughts about “How long our rendezvous is going to endure?”.... slip in too and than I feel nostalgic and try to divert my mind.
Yesterday we disagreed on existence of “GOD” and finally I walked out only to message her on my way back “ Thx, mam….even the Weather Gods are happy…” than she called me up on asking what I mean and I gave her a silly explanation that it is raining and she believes on God, so they are weeping at my fate…lol.
later when I narrated this incident to my friend, he told me "she is a trainer and she has been handling trainees like me in every batch of hers, so its nothing new for her and don’t try to figure out something on your own" and than the already drenched me felt water creeping inside my heart and dampening it too.

I don’t know, may be I should have more important things on my mind and T is just another phase, like many of those which I have passed over through my 23 years of existence and I feel no reason to be hopeful just like the "Captain of Titanic" who was destined to be Unsuccessful…..
Tere baare mein jab socha nahi tha
Mein thanha tha magar ithna nahi tha,
Theree thasveer se kartha tha bathein
Mere kamre mein aaina nahi tha,

Wishing Star'

Well, today’s post is going to be an interesting one in some respects and quite monotonous in all other ways. Now if I do not start writing about Indian politics or Sania Mirza here,I would not have much to scribble about. However I will try to analyze a few things other than what directly affect my life.

Lets start from the Newspapers, I always wonder that on Sunday who read those matrimonial columns, I find them so ridiculous and ambiguous, which makes me brood over the fact that are people so desperate or is it a necessity to get married. Now let me give some examples…

“Looking for a well-educated, homely/working girl, for 27 yr old M.B.A son, working in MNC, earning@5lac p.a. contact P.O. Box no 2134.” – My reflection- I know all girls look for a financial cover these days but isn’t it the limit”

“Fair-complexion, non-manglik, educated, homely girl, from a well-settled business family from posh south Delhi, preferably looking for business house groom” - My reflection - As if a business deal is to be settled out and with no bad intentions, Punjabi’s rule in these types of advts.

Now the most hilarious ones are of Divorcees, I know they have already once gone through the grind and why they again want to test themselves out is all I have no clues off, here they go “35, N.RI., green-card holder, coming to India in Dec end, issueless divorce , please enclose photograph with mail.”
Now the whole exercise behind this was to JUST GET MARRIED! I am sorry but than I don’t agree, may be ‘Pairs are made in heaven…but they are not solemnized by newspapers’ and as far as for me, I don’t mind that extra sheets of paper being delivered to me n Sundays which are pasted on my wall to hide those cracks, to change the dirty shelf paper or to eat over them…

Now back to my infatuation story, well toady T and I flirted in a more contented manner, while my approach was to toe the line of not going crazy, she was just trying to incite me, may be to test my patience! Anyhow whatever it was, it was just amazing, still I am relishing her words and statements, so let me jet down a little script and as usual, just the script…..

Script -1

D – Thanks Mam *straight face, as if angry* (this was when, I was leaving for the day)
T - *looks back straight into my eyes*
D – What mam? *walks back in through the open door*
T- Nothing *straight faced*
D – Mam, training is not over yet, it’s going to take time to be on floor *smiles*
T - *smiles back* what u want to do?
D - Even I don’t know! *walks out*
*walks back in* Oh! Mam, this is for you, got one extra* gives her a center-fresh*
T – I don’t want* straight faced, looking at computer*
D - Give it to some one else, at least it will bring a smile on his face*smiles*
T – Well, you take it *offers me back, smiling*
D – Mam, I am happy beforehand *laughs and walks away*

I don’t know what is going to be the outcome of it, when I say this I mean “outcome” as in…. would be become friends? Because all I know she is too far too distant to be reached….so one of my old original poems for her and on those thoughts…..which are just like castles of sand, destined to be unsuccessful….

Wishing Star
Saying all this through the words
I don't know if this is the crust,
Things seems to change
Even the weather has now a range,
Smiles seem suddenly so cute
I am hearing everything, even if it's mute,
Waiting for the evergreen rain
Like farmer of a fertile plain,
Sky seems suddenly so blue
Every time when I think of you,
Whenever you speak low
I feel an unknown glow
Your voice runs through my heart
Like a kid playing till sunlight last,
Just don't ever leave
Coz I just want to weave
A web of emotions round you
So that you are in a glue
And make you my wishing star
So close, so true yet so far……

Digressing Perpetuity'

So what to write today, everyday when I come online I am always confused with as what to write? However I am not keeping a track of the word limit but have decided that I will paste a song and some doodles if I can.

As far in the job, my training is going to end literally today and officially tomorrow, so from Monday onwards I would be taking calls, which I know would be much more tough and I do not fancy myself as a flawless conversationalist and also my rate of speech which is very fast….so lets see.

Things which are right now in my mind are –

1. Washing a shirt for today’s night-shift

2. Buying a sharpener so as to convince myself that I want to study(I bought a pencil weeks ago, so as to underline what I read, since I do not have a sharpener and unless I peel her skin off I would not be able to the desired!)

3. What will happen on Monday….would I be able to handle it all?

I do not have an exciting life, I think…I wonder if anyone has! But than what I hate about my life is that I am not able to do anything or talk about anything, except my fucking Job and T and for how long I would be able to talk about her so incessantly, I don’t know.

Well let me enumerate what all antics I did to grab her attention, regretfully I hate doing that but I cannot think of as how to tell her, what I mean and how much I want to say it all in just simple words, anyhow so…

I drew some vague sketches of her dress, a kurta with green stripes, her earrings and than thankfully one of my colleagues showed that to her…and than neither she smiled nor she scorned….she left me guessing, like stripes of her kurta which were strained but they even they were so unaware of why they were drawn in such a pattern…..her earrings, dangling in air and swirling as her neck moves like my heart does when she looks into my eyes…..

Ok, than I had a good small talk with her, which was ruined by the arrival of others…I don’t know if we were both talking on the same platform but than I can sense the skirmishes that I tried to invigorate in that small 3 minutes conversation…that’s so confusing….its an unending saga…..

“Mera chain bain sab ujda
jaalim nazar hata le, barbaad ho rahe hai ji
tere apne shaher wale

Ho tujhse milna purani dilli main
chod aaye nishani dilli main
pal nimani dari betalab
teri meri kahani dilli main.”

On that chirpy line…..let’s cut the crap off!

Connoted Expressions'

I have no clues as how to start today’s entry, I feel that since I have just started this blog and the excitement to continue on with it , is what which makes me come online religiously. Perhaps as I prolong on with this, posts would become more irregular and boring, also I would loose the zest and than I would have nothing to talk about, except my calls!

Well, whatever. Right now I have belongings to add on, so last night introspection was just momentary and as I got assimilated with the crowd, the sting that I was carrying also lost its authority….so altogether it was just a transitory phase that passed on like Delhi’s shower which I guess they call “Monsoon-retreat”. The question here would be that, did it give me the respite I needed…..

Let me start from today morning and than I would catalog last night deeds. So while coming back home I was witness to the haughtiness of one of my cab partners (it’s like we people get drops by office cabs, so partners who fall in the same path) who just for getting home early turned around the whole normal route we follow….for long I remained a silent spectator and than decided to follow the path of Civil Disobedience as Mahatma did once. So I got off from the cab and took a bus back home….I have no regrets, at least I feel that it was the best I could do rather than fathoming his ego and structuring my response against it. I too have ego problems but I guess over the years I have devised a way to curb them and also learnt to counter-attack without getting involved, how successful……???

Ok about her now, I don’t know still, so the best way out to be would to reminisce what transcripted between us and leave the inference part…

Script -1

D – Mam, you know when you came the first time, I was not there and people told me that you are very strict

T – Yeah, that’s the general perception; people have about me

D - May be, before meeting you, I got such a different feedback about you

T – From whom?

D – All others in the class! *amused*

T – So what was that?*smiling*

D – I wont tell you, let me get on the floor. *a small curve of lips*

T – No tell me know! *roll of eyes but not angry*

D – See mam, there are a lot of things to be said and done but let me get on the floor first* said this statement with a straight face**

T – What? ( I don’t know, what her expressions were then but yeah her voice told me she was not angry)….

Script – 2

D – What will happen on the floor…*me looking straight in her eyes trying to tell, I don’t mean this, I mean what will be life without you*

T – Nothing to worry…..*pause as if thinking and me still staring*…..I will be there na* I look down*

Well these are just what I can remember of today…..and I don’t want any presumptions to be based on them…I have done this all a lot of times but does she get what my eyes scream or whenever our eyes meet do she knows, what’s in there? Or is just another unsuccessful endeavor…..

Tuesday's Debacle

As usual, what generally happens, my life is again taking a U-turn and most probably ending in another fiasco, though personally how much hard I try, I always give in to my natural instincts and than bear the brunt of it.
Before being in this place, I have already gone through the mill of an unending disappointment well structured by my own devices, when all of my friends are doing something worthy in my life, I am still laying the foundations of my shaky future…am I destined to be like this or is it of personal choices that is why I always end up nowhere, I don’t know? May be it would take me another some Unsuccessful years to figure that out and perhaps by then it would be too late….

I always wonder that I have always to think about my parents who on a relative scale may be well settled now but in coming 5 years would have to face the ignominy of being bearers to an unsuccessful son both materialistically and physically and than an unending trauma they would have to go through that they have once lived during their starting years and I would be so helpless by then that all I would be able to do is just wonder on that where I went wrong.

The weirdest thing is that unlike millions of unsuccessful like me at least I know that I have responsibilities which many unsuccessful people I have met do not share but than that what sucks! Because if I know everything and still I do not try to change it up who would be the biggest fool than me…that’s why I feel “Being Ignorant is bliss”.

So why today I am writing this all, may be all I need is to vent out my feelings and have a introspection with my soul which like a semi-functional lighthouse only shows its faint light in the most troubled times.

Well after I became wholly unsuccessful in whatever field I tried my hand, I had than decided to function on these guidelines-
1- I will study along with Job
2- I will live alone
3- I know, what I am so No girls
4- I wont spend money on trifle stuff
5- I will act mature and professionally

Now when I look back and try to review myself on these, I find today that
1- I am not studying
2- I am lonely and living alone
3- ?
4- Well, right now I am doing it
5- I tried hard in vain

Its nothing like, that the world has ended today for me, I believe in myself and I know I can spring back from situations worse than this but than when it happens, I loose the edge that is required and that is what happening to me here…..I don’t know if I should formulate new plans, I don’t think they are required but writing here it all have installed a confidence in me that I can, Yes I can and why should not I, I have seen people getting out from worse than what I am in, it all requires me to wake up and when will I and how will that is always the question which every time I believe that I will solve but never able to do…..that’s why I am Unsuccessfully Yours’.

P.S – I messaged her “…tht story is still unfinished nd its turning out 2 be a bad day Mam…nd I wonder! (nehw sry 2 disturb u at dis odd hour)” - and I am still waiting for her response, I don’t know if she asleep or deliberately did not message me back and than why should she?…..but will she understand what I need, because I am myself confused about it but I have decided to play it either safe or give it a mild shot, depends on how she react on today’s morning Ronaldhino kick on that Chips packet!

I have found some reasons that as why should I never think about her in any “role-play”
1- She is 105 days younger to me (July 29’ 1982 and me April 14’ 1982)
2- She is beautiful and I am wasted
3- She is exactly 2 steps above me in the organizational hierarchy and to reach where if I am damn good would take not less than 02 years
4- She must have her reasons…lol

Pity on being Unsuccessful….God this is limit. ….I need a break!

Monday Musings'

Last night I couldn't sleep, I was thinking about a lot of things simultaneously and pondering that what I had thought before and what I am doing now....and that kept me bugging on...so I switched on the lights and started looking at the diverse lives that were enjoying their stay in my room.....a tiny cockroach, 2 spiders...a lonely lizard ( which I later found was such a good hunter, some ants( they follow each other as like people on a pilgrimage do) and some invisible insects, of whom I can only hear voices of......all of them were so fixed at their designated places and following unknowingly Darwin’s "Theory of Survival" and than I was amused that even I am surviving among them and with them.......and than the sleep vanished away from my eyes until morning.

Well during this whole saga, I thought about her too and than I again introspected that why I am thinking about her, and this was when I switched on the lights and tried to merge with the universe within my room…as I watched a fascinating show so beautifully orchestrated out by that Lonely Lizard, who in a flash devoured a aimless mosquito….

Once again my thoughts returned back to her and again under the lights I wondered…..what this girl has? that makes me think about her….No, I am not in love with her not in any case….No even I am not mad or crazy about her…..I don’t know but there is something intriguing about her that makes her stand a bit away from the crowd.

Finally much to my amusement and relief of some of those invisible insects, I switched off the lights and tried to sleep…..a sleep so disturbed and marred by my past, which keeps me reminding that, how Unsuccessful I am…….

To end on a good note, something’s that I like about her and want to say her –

1.You have the worlds most compassionate eyes, I feel
2.I deliberately tried to stand next to you that day, so that I could measure our heights and Yo! I was around 2 inches more….
3.I stare in your eyes, can you feel that….
4.That poem was for you, did you got that….
5.If I had a car and would have asked you out for a dinner, will you agree than…
6.Do you really think about me a little or am I just like all for you
7.Will you change your mobile’s ringing tone for me, it sucks
8.Don’t treat me like others…
9.I know you look beautiful and I am like wasted, but can we talk about us…
10.Yes, No…maybe…

Move on.....

Once again i am trying to start up a blog...something about myself...and i am too eager to join a new bandwagon because the dead albatross that is hanging around my neck would not let me say this all from where i left it.
I feel that blogging is nothing new, it was very much started by our predecessors who than blogged on the cave walls and so on....Ok before i once again bore myself, lets talk of some things that i feel i am going through these days-

1. I am working at a place where i do not want to be but the job that i am doing is what once i want 2 do very much.
2. Though i feel i can speak good english but i know that i have problems with my tenses, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions....
3. I think I am/can be a good poet or writer or leader.
4. I am giving my MBA exams after i do my night shift.
5. My throat right now is in pretty bad situation, still i cannot stop my urge to smoke.
6. I need a good break in my life..be it... (though not in the same priority) -:

a. Girlfriend (close one)
b. Good Job/Further Education
c. Digital camera or high pixel cam-phone/mobile
d. Good house (atleast two furnished rooms@3k)
e. PC with internet access
f. perhaps, a Bike/Car
g. Increase my weight

so thats not a big wish list, may be i can think of some more, i guess...but right now i am feeling sleepy...anyhow it was about starting a new blog, which i did and secondly about keeping a track of it, coz i just have a feeling that i have forgotten the password..........0)