Sex, me and Bapu

Once again I have nothing new to add. There is a lot of work, which can surely keep me busy but often I find myself avoiding it. The net result is that I am left with nothing but to think.
In some other case, "thinking" could have been a constructive process. But for me it makes me feel more depressed. Now that I can’t visualise any good future or so, I keep going back to things and people, which could have gone my way and be with me.

A lot of this self-doubtedness, depression, frustration or whatever you may like to name it can be attributed to a sex-starved life. I don’t know if it would be of any help but the idea of utilising someone’s service for money is repulsive. Porn after sometime also becomes inefficient and more or less you know what’s coming your way. In fact, it becomes so mundane that it leads to abstinence.

I don’t know for how long this has been so but I can recall that for the past few months I’ve resisted the desire to exercise my only limited option. So what to do now? Go the book fair, ask a male colleague for a coffee (asking female colleagues is not worth spending your time and money because nothing ever happens and you end up talking only about office) or perhaps visit your relatives.

But when you are alone and you know you can’t sleep till early morning, night after night, it becomes a malignant tumour. Spreading right form your reproductive organ to your productive organ!

Henceforth, after a much self-debate and think aloud about some people, who I know will never-ever read this, I decided to read "My Experiments with Truth(MEWT)". Ok, hold your guns, before you jump to any conclusion, let me clarify — I am neither a Gandhian nor I make any claims to understand, degrade or justify what he did.

The sole reason of picking MEWT was to understand how can I tackle my "sexual inefficiency," in a constructive manner. Pages after Pages, I read the Great Mahatma’s (as he is called, Bapu) views on bachelorhood, self-restraint and why he thinks so low of the most necessary function in human existence. Now that I am reading the book in a new perspective, I am getting enlightened. People have raised questions on his behaviour, who cares — guess they weren’t getting to mate enough!

But what good will this do to me? Will I become another Gandhi, Bapu or another leader...I have no idea. All I know, I am 25...will turn 26 in next three months...I’m still alone and sex starved...typing this...trying to make sense out of it...and ending unsuccessful in a city, which I love till date....how unsuccessful!