Dead Letters

Dear Sister,

I don’t know if I’ll be alive when you’ll be reading this letter. This may bring tears to your eyes but the need of the hour is to stay strong. Things may have not gone my way but we all know that I was justified in doing what I did.

I feel no remorse whatsoever even in my last moments. These few minutes that I’m spending right now in writing this letter will always be the most cherished moments of my life. I’m ashamed of myself that I cannot be there with you forever.

Sister, I miss your company the most. I know if you had been with me, you could have at least calmed my falling nerves and be a source of strength. I would like to remind you that after me you’d be burdened with greater responsibility. So you should tread the path with utmost care.

If I would have an option to live, I would love to go back to the mountains and spend my time reading. After all this, I question myself why I am doing this? But when I close my eyes I see that beautiful picture, which I always dreamt, wished, longed and even strived for. Perhaps, this is an eternal war, which may go on for some more time, may be till I breathe.

Sometimes in my dreams, I see the future that as a family we all longed for. But some dreams never get fulfilled. They cloud our eyes and only go when the salt mixed water pours them out of our heart and brain.

As I’m closing this letter, tears run down my cheeks. I still remember playing as kids, where we all use to fight false battles. I know you always sided with us in those battles. Even today, after I’m gone, I know your heart and prayers will be with us and for us. But this is my request that whatever comes, you’ll not act emotionally and take care of yourself and all those who matters.

Yours Unsuccessful brother
D


P.S. – A letter by Dara Shikoh to his sister, Jahanara Begum. A few days after he wrote this letter Aurangzeb’s army captured him. It is said that he was beheaded and his severed head was taken to his father (Shah Jahan) and sister, who were imprisoned near Taj Mahal.

Futility....

My world is full of highly unsuccessful people. And sometimes I think they are in a way more unsuccessful than me. Believe me that doesn’t give me any sense of satisfaction but irritates me more. I find parasites all around me, may be even I’m one of them. Who knows?
But for sure I’m disappointed of people. At least I’m happy being unsuccessful but these wicked creatures always try to creep out of that hole, only to slip further down. Their downfall irks me more. I mean if I would have been god (if he is there) I would have condemned them to death, immediately and take pleasure from the fact that I’ve ended their eternal sufferings.
But then I look at some other weird creatures, hanging around. And when I am unable to understand why they behave in such a manner, I feel dismayed. I don’t know what nirvana is and nor I am interested in. Guess like its my fault, I expect. And perhaps expectation is the root cause of all my grievances. When people don’t match up your expectations, you start falling apart.

Need Theory

Now when I postulate this, I get more irate. It’s like we all have empty spaces within us. And we try to fill that empty space through someone else. This empty space is both physical and emotional. There are thousands of us, who are waiting so that their empty spaces get filled. And when we find someone else who also has an empty space, which can be filled by us and ours by them, we come together. We give it the name of a relationship. So a simple transaction process gets coined as love, friendship and etc.
The moment that empty space is filled, we divert to other areas and try to fill them. Nothing wrong. But when one party has that space filled and it thinks that its no more of an empty space, it tries to break the agreement. Now if both the parties feel the same it becomes a mutual understanding and the ties are snapped of easily. However, if any of the party doesn’t get its due share, either it tries to cling on or start looking for an another person desperately.
Overall the net result is that it rarely happens that two people can stick together cause of any emotions. Either the emotions should move on to a next level or there should be other bindings. And when this plain truth of transaction dawns upon me it makes me cynical to everyone around.

So what we do?

I don’t have an answer for this. But I think there are two ways. The first one is that one should be clinical about that need. It’s like you become a parasite. The other is you try to fulfill your needs by yourself, now that asks for a lot.

What I am doing about it?

I am going through a realisation process. It is exactly the same which I went through some years ago. The only problem is that its very easy to get out of this process but extremely tough to go through it. But its like self cleansing.

Do we all need someone?

Yes, we need friends because we want to be happy, we want partners to satiate our desires. We need parents and so we need kids. Similarly for pets and so on.

But at the end of the day, one needs to remember that we all will be unsuccessful. In some way or the other. You’ve two choices. Either to accept it, like I’ve done or call it life and keep moving.....unsuccessfully.