Middle-Earth

Alcohol and memories are definitely not a good combination. It isn't a revelation for me. I always knew it and so avoid mixing both. But last weekend I was helpless. N was back after a long time and Z also dropped. Personally I've a very strong feeling that was the last get-together for the three of us. I don't know why but this was a sort of culmination of our 05 year-old friendship.

Let me give reasons, N, an army officer is on his way to his post in Arunachal. In the past 05 years, he hasn't changed a bit. He is still a scrooge, continues to insist on explaining everything, and still believes that girls are only good in bed. But, army has instilled some pride in him and like any other olive-green bearer, his conversations somehow unknowingly make me feel a 'bloody civilian.'

Z, is all set to join the Ambani group coming summers. He also hasn't changed a bit. Still remains jolly, much of an squanderer like me and thinks girls are made to love and forget. But being in a business school has made him talk big. Sensex has taken precedence over sex. And Bulls and bears over bollywood. So his conversations somehow unknowingly make me visualize my future - We both in his villa, sitting at his bar. He pouring me a premium scotch, vintage 1700 and smoking a Havana. And me, with my lean figure, with a half-burnt cigarette between my fingers, sitting on the bar stool and listening to his business adventures.

So I believe that yes it was the culmination of our friendship in some way. The best part was that we all knew it and just avoided it. Anyhow, I was fighting with these thoughts when Z raised the topic that I fear the most. Discussing love lives. I can talk on history for hours, discuss politics as if I am the next PM and can be a good listener on the stuff that I don't know. But Love life….except unsuccessfulness I've nothing to add. And when you're drunk you remember those who left you or vice-versa.

Anyhow N's insistence on the curves and sizes and the debate fuelled by Z over describing girls each state wise, gave me time to be in my own world. I don't know but then I remembered a quote and laughed. That thought made me pick up the phone and call. In the morning, when all were dead drunk and snoring and I had somehow helped myself without vomiting, I rued that call. I don't know why.

There are so many why's - why people are living, why we try to make a career, why we study hard, why we get involved in office politics, why we make friends, why we love and why we lose it all.

I don't have an answer for any of those why. But I still remember so many people, starting from that sparrow - my first pet, that lame girl in school whom I then thought I should love coz no one did, my cat, that old guy whom I bought a quilt and similarly so many people who did some stuff for me when I never expected. WHY?

So in that chilly morning, I came out in the open. Asking the fog to engulf me and somehow that quote flashed in my mind once again, I smiled to myself, came back inside, hugged both of them hard and then closed my eyes. May be that is what my destiny is. For, Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost. And, I know that I'm not lost, I'm just unsuccessful.