Battlefield

She was frustrated, bored, angry, confused and waiting for the best to happen. She always knew that she deserves the best and this made her more convinced to pen down her thoughts. Today centuries after she wrote this, things haven't changed. The dilemma still remains…….

P.S - We here means I.

We are a little apprehensive. This battle is heading nowhere. Though every night we make him understand how important this is but he's more interested in finding the secret between our legs. Sometimes we don't understand his love. Is it for what will go eventually or something, which goes beyond human comprehension?

There is no start or end of our story. We were not born rich but had a legacy to support our whims and fancies. After all we were the descendants of the court poet. As we grew up, we didn't require that legacy anymore. There was more to us than to our past.

We will not count our admirers here. The list is long. But we've been faithful to each one of them. We never promised them what we can't deliver. They got their share and they should've been contented. But as the great learned people say - " Desires are never fulfilled." We'll not say that we are beyond it but we know how much to give and when to stop. After all like any other girl, we liked the thought that there is someone who'll do anything for us. And that too when we made clear we cannot go beyond a certain limit. We had nothing to lose and we were justified doing that.

We swear on the merciful Allah that we never used our charms unjustly. We never asked someone to do something for us. (Some months ago, we were accused of that the King made a boat full of people sink coz we wanted to see. We did not asked for that. We just said how would it look!). There have been stories that make us feel like a goddess. We say, how unjust they can be? We're a peck of dust in front of the lord above. How a goddess can be small?

We never aspired to be a queen. We always knew we would be one. The bountiful above knows that we never played games. Our heart is as clear as the streams in jannat. People came to us. They said they wanted us. We told them, we're not here to fulfil their desires. We shall also be contented. Mind you we used the word 'contented.' And they made us the queen.

His Highness is another name on the list. But let me tell you this. We always cared for our admirers. We send them messages asking for their well being. We even call them to our house if they are not doing well. We've even nursed one. Now will you call us a cheat? We don't think so. We don't love his highness but he is always in our thoughts. Say if tomorrow he leaves us, will we feel bad? Yes certainly will. But we will not show it to him. Nor we will look for someone else. For we know that there is a list of people who are dying to have our company.

We will choose the one who has biceps of steel and a heart that beats for us. He will show a careless attitude, which will irritate us and when we nag him, he will crush us in his mighty arms. He will not meet us for months and then drench us all of a sudden like a dark cloud. He will speak to all, which will make us jealous but then comeback and make us feel wanted. When we want to speak to him, he will not be around but when we're lonely he will make us his queen. He will be there and yet not present. Aloof, distant yet mine.

This is what we want. We don't want the titles. We hope once this war ends we'll get one like this. At this end of the line or that it doesn't matter. His Highness is always there but our eyes search for the one who isn't. How Unsuccessful!!!

- A diary entry by Lal Kunwar, whose romance with Jahandar Shah (1712-13), the grandson of Aurangzeb was indeed the most colourful. She was descendent of Tansen, the great musical genius and one of the gems of the court of Akbar. She was made empress and dignified with the title of Imtiyaz Mahal (chosen of the palace). A poet wrote in her praise -

Ba Khubi Lal Kunwar nam-i-u-bud
Shakkarguftar, sin-andam-i-u-bud
(Lal Kunwar, her very name is most befitting. Sweet in speech, her body was white as silver)