Indecent Proposal

NOTE: The title of this post is dedicated to all my friends who believe that in such uncertain times the only virtue to abide by is “Indecency.”

For the past 26-years, I’ve unfortunately never bothered to check one section of the newspaper. Honestly, now I realise that had I checked the same a decade or two earlier, I’m sure that I would’ve certainly made a sincere attempt in my school and college days towards a better career and who knows would've done better for myself.

I really don’t know whom I should blame for this grave mistake which has somehow gone unnoticed for such a long period. The moment this fact dawned upon me, I was shattered, ego was bruised and any hopes of what some may call – living a normal life – were dashed.

Henceforth, this is my suggestion to all students that please do read the “matrimonial” section of the newspaper for getting enlightened. Your current love interest may sign a blood oath and your lovemeter may defy earth's gravitational power but the ways of the world can only be best understood through matrimonial columns. Glancing through it every weekend, will not only provide the required impetus to strengthen your resolve for giving more hours to productive work but also help you choose a career path in the long run.

I realised this way too late. And that too by a stroke of luck. While sieving through the Sunday newspaper, i tossed away one of these supplements when a familiar surname caught my eye. This window opened a whole new world for me. For the next few hours, I felt like Alice in Wonderland. The only irony here is that this Wonderland is for real and there is no hole through which I can escape.

Anyhow, I checked the profile of this gentleman, who had a familiar surname. Now this 28-year-old, 5’9” tall dude, who is also a programme analyst earning Rs 8 lakh per annum, is looking for a bride. For starters he is almost 2” taller than me, earns twice more than me and is only two-years elder to me. So, all in all this – double figure – in height, salary and age beat me hands down in the bride market.

I tried to calm down myself saying that may be this is one exceptional case. So straight away went to the fifth in row. Here I was pitted against an IIT-D, IIM-A geek. The bastard achieved it all in 27-years flat and is already working in an MNC. Well, most understandably there was no mention of the salary or other physical details. Hell, which girl would ask for that!!

Change the goddamned fucking caste I thought and went to another caste row. Perhaps the problem of casteism in my nation can be best understood through these sections but I guess this was not the time to indulge in trivial details. Here I was, having one of the worst days so far, realising the time that has been lost. Up against my contention was a Major General, 27-years old and a whooping 6’2” above the ground. Respect for the armed forces and instantly I sang the national anthem and moved on to ‘Grooms Wanted’ section.

Check these out and you’ll know, what made me write this post-

Match for Kumaoni Brahmin Girl
25-years-old, 5’4”/ IIM-C/ TOP-IT company, earning Rs 10 Lakh per annum

Match for V.Fair, PB Arora Girl
27/5’5”/ US-based doctor/ Prefb. NRI, Doctor, IIM Grad


After this I didn’t manage to sum up my courage and read forward. Hopes of my happy home, my future wife and kids was crumbling in front of my eyes. And, I realised what a grave error I’ve committed by missing on this – what’s perhaps the most important - section of the newspaper. Anyhow, please let me know if somebody is interested in

26/ 5’7”/ unsuccessful guy/ annual package : empty promises...